Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Why Are Men Angry?

Writer/author Kay Hymowitz offers her take on Why Are Men Angry? with shots at Roissy and other male oriented bloggers. Of course, she misses the point. Almost everyone is angry, being sold a bill of goods: PC and Diversity and Multiculturalism would bring utopia like a John Lennon "Imagine" song come to life, and instead brought war, misery, terrorism that never ends, and a general hard-wiring of nasty third world degeneracy and crisis right straight into the West, a hard-wiring that no one can disconnect. White middle class men have it the worst, being told and forced, to be the "nice guy" and sit through endless sexual harassment, diversity training, gender-bending seminars and meetings, while Alpha A-hole bad boys swoop up most women and all the half-way attractive ones, particularly in their prime years. No wonder White Middle and Working class men are angry, no other group has gotten the shaft quite so much since the end of the 1960s.


Hymowitz declares (wrongly of course) that most women want "nice guys." Exhibit A to the total cluelessness of women about their own and their gender's preference. Women want nice guys like they want a cold bowl of oatmeal in the morning. They'll put up with them if they are forced, but otherwise find it disgusting. This is why commercials are filled with depictions of boring Beta White guys as doofuses who are humiliated by the smart White women and various non-Whites around them. Women find boring beta male White guys rivals and unlikeable ones at that for promotions and pay and jobs in the workplace (which is why when women form a critical mass such as in education, health care, media, entertainment, publishing, corporate finance, human resources, and more, they push out non-Gay White guys).

Wage growth has been primarily in female-dominated professions, that are profoundly hostile to non-Gay, non-Alpha White males (because White professional women find beta male romantic/sexual attention insulting and degrading). Wage growth in such female dominated fields as health care, media, entertainment, publishing, have all outpaced such male dominated fields as electrical engineering, computer programming, and mechanical engineering. Worse, the male dominated fields have been ground zero for outsourcing and H1-B attacks (usually with female cheerleading). While women's groups have famously swayed Obama's infrastructure spending away from construction to female-dominated health care and education.

But the main complaint of ordinary, Middle Class White guys is that women in their twenties, at the height of their attractiveness, spend all their time having sex with various bad boys. Then expect utter romantic devotion from "nice guys" who they will very publicly "settle" for after a long string of bad boys at the very tail edge of attractiveness. Leaving none but the obese or otherwise deeply flawed women for the 80-90% of men who are utterly average, in their twenties, or used-up cougars in their thirties.

All women are not equal. Nor is a woman as beautiful, attractive, loving, kind, and lacking emotional baggage and resentment in her thirties after a long string of failed relationships with bad boys, drug addicts, felons, trustafarians, indie rockers, and so on, as she was in her early twenties before all those men. Men cannot even get what their grandfathers certainly got: companionship marriage with a rough age peer before a great deal of lovers (on her side) and enforced celibacy with intermittent hook-ups (on his side) generate a "marriage of utter desperation."

If men were only after sex, the "sluttiness" that Hymowitz cites would not be a problem: the easier to bed the women in question. But for a long term relationship expected to lead to marriage, sluttiness certainly is a problem and it from the perspective of most men certainly derails any prospect of a love-filled marriage.

A woman with many bad boys (sometimes merely one is enough) in her sexual past is not going to be able to form a deeply lasting relationship with a guy in her thirties. What for an aging lothario type man in his fifties or sixties might be a good catch (think Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, or Warren Beatty and Annette Benning) is a match destined to fail in mutual contempt. Hers that the man is not the dominant, commanding Alpha male all other women want and openly lust for, his that he's the last choice and last in line in parade of prior male lovers.

This is particularly true since biochemistry cannot have its way in making and deepening sexual and romantic connections, something both parties understand implicitly. A woman of even average looks in the flush of her youth, can command considerable attention and memory-building, affection, love, and devotion to an ordinary man, particularly if society pushes him to faithful husbandly duties. This is of course no guarantee, and a man can stray. Making selection of a man's character besides just his raw sex appeal something women must consider (and is usually stressed by older female relatives and friends -- will he be faithful to you when you age?) But the odds are generally good, for most women, when society pushes faithful duties. And for most people, most of the time, good enough beats a perfect ideal that collapses into ugly failure in reality: the idea that a bad boy can be "tamed" by a woman who has "special" sexual/romantic powers despite being ordinary. See "Twilight," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Tru Blood," "Vampire Diaries," "Gossip Girl," and nearly anything with Sex or the City in the title.

Men know what their grandfathers had. Perhaps even their fathers. You can see it in old movies. The idea that men and women would marry in their twenties, roughly the same age, form deep bonds un-threatened by a parade of past lovers (for either) and cemented more or less to each other.


Now, take for example a woman beautiful enough to have her own E! network talk show (and private personal trainer), and a comedian who has appeared multiple times on the Jay Leno Tonight Show (and the Jay Leno Show during that strange interregnum): Chelsea Handler. She's 36 years old. Despite her clowning around she's in decent shape, physically. And she is clearly in the upper 10% at least in looks for women in her age cohort. She was beautiful enough to attract the attention of rapper 50 Cent. A man used to having beautiful women throwing themselves at him.

Chelsea Handler, despite all that, is less beautiful than an average fit woman of ten years younger or so. Age matters. Average men are increasingly less inclined to "cougar it up" when porn and video games provide an excellent substitution. A cougar is not really fit to start a family, very likely she does not want one, or has one of her own already. Most men do not long to be a third wheel step-dad viewed by contempt by all parties alike: wife, biological (real) father, and children. A woman of twenty five is quite different in beauty alone, and its indicator of the ability to form a family, than a cougar of thirty six. No matter how beautiful the cougar is for her age.

All this leaves aside of course, the bitterness and resentment generated in women by a good fifteen years of failed attempts to snag and keep an Alpha Male. The bad boy nearly all women crave.

Men are bitter, and angry, because they were sold a bill of goods, cheated, and they know it. At best they are expected to be the dutiful, wife-dominated doormat husband of an aging cougar, and be grateful for it. Most of them have neither the skills, nor the talent, nor the desire, nor the personality, nor the ability to play dominant Alpha Asshole Male. They'd prefer to be married sometime in their twenties to a nice girl who did not have already twenty five felons, trustafarians, addicts, indie rockers, hipsters, and more to her bed count by age 25. The Duke F-List shows how ordinary young women of ordinary attractiveness can rack up at least thirteen men in four years and not consider it out of the ordinary. As anyone examining the material will note, the crudeness and graphic sexual nature of the "joke" meant to be shared among friends (and thus leaked out to generate a book deal) illustrates the bawdiness of young women can easily match if not exceed that of young men.

White, Middle class and working class men are angry, because they were told to be, and in fact forced to be, dutiful, go-along, boring beta White guys who would not constantly try to dominate and kick-ass and take names, all the time. In exchange, they got an X-box, some Ipods, and no ability to really form a family. Even if they had decent wages and affordable housing, the best they can do is an aging cougar whose contempt for them not being Warren Beatty or a reasonable low-rent copy is palpable. The workplace expects boring, White male conformity (and punishes all but the Charlie Sheens of the world for not being part of that conformity) which in turn makes male peers sexually and romantically invisible to outright repellent to their female peers. No wonder they are angry. They were cheated. Instead of a family, they got the dubious privilege of paying taxes to raise the spawn of bad-boys, and Chelsea Handler-types at the end of the rainbow.

The sexual utopia for the average White woman is a nightmare for the average White guy. While women have their choice of Alphas (even an ordinary woman can have sex with an Alpha, if not commitment), guys get very intermittent hook-ups, generally by "mistake" (they momentarily acted Alpha A-holish) and an aging cougar maybe in the end. That's the death of the American dream, for them. No wonder men are angry.

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good post, but I still say you are a bit off when you say women don't want nice guys. What they want is dominant, commanding, witty, physically attractive, cocky, nice guys. IOW, they want it all! But many are willing to forego the "nice" to get all that other stuff.

And yeah, a 4 like me doesn't want to spend my 20s sexing 1s and 2s, which I can easily do, before finally getting access to a female 4 who has been fucked over by male 5s, 6s, and 7s who then settles for me.

Polichinello said...

Chelsea Handler's 36!!?? Wow, I thought that bitch was well into her forties.

At any rate, I don't think she's a good example of an "above average" beauty, and the picture you chose doesn't help your case, since she looks even worse than normal. It kind of comes off as a straw man argument.

Anonymous said...

Whiskey a blogger named "ManWhoIsThursday" before he deleted his blog wrote a post about "The Myth of Players and Virgins". There he detailed how players and sluts prefered one another while virgin women prefered virgin men and vice-versa (mate assortability and compatibility). Technically everybody is mating according to their values kind of like the "Big Sort" by Bill Bishop with liberals seeking liberals, libertarians seeking libertarians and conservatives seeking conservatives. The major problem would be virgin men or women stuck in a place or environment with male and female sluts and vice-versa because they just don't mix in their worldview (instead they have to seek out lovers by the Internet to break this mistake).

ranji said...

i posted this in your last post's comments. this article deserves a read by you if you haven't already done so.

whiskey,

i emailed this article to roissy:

http://www.slate.com/id/2286240/pagenum/all/#p2

it appears to SCIENTIFICALLY back you guys's major assertions about the sexual marketplace & its effects on society.

it's remarkably titled 'sex is cheap.'

Rollory said...

Thursday was writing from an explicitly Christian viewpoint. Some Christians can integrate their worldview with a realistic idea of human nature, others can't. I remember my impression of him was that he was too far on the idealization/pedestalization side of things for me to really care further about his opinions.

Anonymous said...

anonymous said...

while virgin women prefered virgin men

You keep believing that.

Anonymous said...

"I remember my impression of him was that he was too far on the idealization/pedestalization side of things for me to really care further about his opinions."

No he wasn't. Is any opinion that isn't "Women are worthless trash" 'pedestalization'?

OhioStater said...

Hmm, women want a nice guy assuming he's otherwise capable of being alpha, ie has money, confidence, looks.

Whatever a woman says she wants, you have to first assume he's "alpha" looking first, just as men casually assume a future mate isn't morbidly obese.

**** ***** said...

nice at the apropos times mixed in with a dashing, daring, mysterious guy is what they truly want.

go read Jane Eyre or Pride and Prejudice to see what makes them swoon. Or Wuthering Heights.

Obsidian said...

Hi Whiskey,
Nive post and very timely, given my own recent post; I'd be very interested in what you and your readers think:

You Should Be Dancing: Tony Manero & "Ataru Game"
http://obsidianraw.bravejournal.com/entry/62661

Rollory said...

anon@8:14, "virgin women prefer virgin men" is certainly self-delusion approaching pedestalization.

josh said...

Chelsea Handler is NOT good-looking! I am older than her and its extremely unlikely I'd want to fuck her!I am not even including her grotesquewhorishness--just going on looks!

Whiskey said...

I chose the Handler pic because it encapsulated both fairly boorish behavior (women are not demure in behavior now) which is a shift in women's behavior, and also because she appeared without makeup.

As for self-sorting out to Virgin/Virgin, Player/Player, that doesn't seem to hold up to data. The number of women who are virgins at the start of college is small, and even smaller (minuscule) by the end of it. Female preference for men seems to be of the Bad Boy they can tame: Charlie Sheen, Edward Cullen, etc. in fantasy and the various bad boys women of even average looks will be entangled with in their twenties.

The dating/mating market is asymmetric. Women have the most power, and are the most choosy (generally sexy over every other attribute) in their twenties. At which point market power drops around 30, considerably at 35. Men can actually build market power if they are in good shape and achieve social power/wealth/dominance in their thirties.

Women's complaint about men is that the men they actually desire, in their thirties, do pull considerably younger women. Men's complaint about women is that the women they desired (their peers in their twenties) are no longer desirable by their thirties, due to age and long and unpleasant sexual histories.

Late marriage societies HAVE worked, but never this late, and with considerable social control to inhibit women's free sexual expression.

We are inevitably headed towards single motherhood, so women can have the sexiest men they want in their twenties, with all that implies. A few sexy men will do most of the fathering of kids, and most men will consider women and kids the domain of absent sexy Alpha men. This is a guarantee for social strife, and also of course poverty, violence, and strife in the next generation.

Proph said...

"nice at the apropos times mixed in with a dashing, daring, mysterious guy is what they truly want.

go read Jane Eyre or Pride and Prejudice to see what makes them swoon. Or Wuthering Heights."

I think it's less the dashing/daring/mysterious quality and more the arrogance, domination, and, in Heathcliff's case, brooding sociopathy.

Of course the narcissistic delusion women harbor that they have unicorn vaginas capable of melting men's stony exteriors doesn't help.

Anonymous said...

I thought you hated just women, Whiskey, but now I see you hate everyone.

Anonymous said...

He may hate everyone, but it's a good clean hate.

IHTG said...

Thursday's claim was that relatively less promiscuous women end up with relatively less promiscuous men.
That doesn't change the fact that women are less chaste overall than they were in the past.

Country lawyer said...

Thursday was wrong about that and the Social Pathologist demolished him on it.

Sp showed that after just one premarital partner the probability of the woman staying married for ten years dropped from 80% to near 50%. It dropped off a cliff.

For men, it didn't drop off until about 7+ partners.


Why the difference? Because there are a lot of sexless betas that a skank "settles for" in her 30s and the beta gets screwed.

The alpha male if he decides to settle down, is more likely to pick a virgin if he can (he's a guy, he knows better than the beta you don't marry a whore) and he has much more choice and for the virgin it fits the magical pussy tames the bad boy mythos to a t.

Female infidelity is much more damaging to a marriage as well.

So Thursday may have liked the idea that like attracts like, but it ain't so.

What attracts a female attracts a female, virgin or not.

IHTG said...

The alpha male if he decides to settle down, is more likely to pick a virgin if he can

I agree that alpha males CAN pick the virgins if they want to. But do they do so, in practice? This is a cultural matter.

Do you have a link to the Social Pathologist's rebuttal?

Anonymous said...

heh.. A lot of women have called me "nice", and not one of them has ever slept with me. The women who do sleep with me or flirt with me call me... um.. other things... but "nice" sure as hell aint one of em.

"Nice" is just a polite word that women use to describe men that they feel no attraction to whatsoever.

Number Six said...

It's just evolution and primate behavior. You can see similar behaviors among chimps and baboons.

Women are drawn to something exciting or stimulating. That's why so many women are attracted to bad boys; boys with flashy cars, flashy clothes, bling, musicians, athletes, boys who act like Alpha Males. Most of these women never capture a bad boy. But lots of them get pregnant or get some kind of infection.

Then one day the young woman wakes up and realizes that being a single parent is really hard work, that being in your thirties means your looks are fading away, that two incomes would be better than one. That's when she goes looking for the Nice Guy, a Beta Male who will help pay her bills, help her raise her children.

It's taken a few generations but a lot of Beta Males are starting to figure out that they don't want to spend the next twenty years paying alimony and child support like their stepdad did.

jules said...

Great post as always Whiskey. I remember you mentioned that betas are quite good at war when they are forced to, you mentioned Sgt. York. (A classic movie too) I've been reading a lot of books about military history and on masters and commanders. Any recommendations (books or movies) on the topic of betas who prove themselves in combat or non-beta professions?
Would Lawrence of Arabia count as a beta?

Zeta said...

Kay Hymowitz demonstrates why women, even (and perhaps especially) "conservative" women are totally useless and clueless when it comes to men's issues. She demonstrates this more effectively than any man could, really. Her cluelessness and ill-cloaked misandry just put another brick in that wall; to take an old feminist piece of agitprop and turn it around, men are gonna have to be doin' it for themselves. Totally by themselves.

I'm the glad the man-o-sphere keeps hammering on "conservative" women like Hymowitz and Palin for their misandry.

Whiskey said...

Jules I highly recommend US Grant's Memoirs. Written as he was dying of throat cancer (with some punch up work by Mark Twain) it is a compelling picture of his early life and the Civil War campaigns (particularly his efforts to evade control by Halleck his superior). Ike's account of his command in Europe is good as well.

jules said...

I'm going to ignore the OMG we think alike (again) comment and note that I've read US Grant's Memoirs and some other bios of Grant. I will check out Ike and Bradley's memoirs as well. Dr. Hanson is working on a 2012 release book called the savior generals that will cover guys like Sherman, Ridgway and Abrams who have been overlooked by the mainstream while they appeared "at the turn of the tide".
Grant's stoicism is something I aspire to, backbreaking farm work in Louisana, his inebriation has been exaggerated, loyal to a fault, feted around Europe's elite in his later life. Nowadays you have murderers on the front page of magazines (terrorist chic!) and celebrated around the continent.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"I thought you hated just women, Whiskey, but now I see you hate everyone."
//
What's wrong with hate?

Whiskey said...
"Men are bitter, and angry, because they were sold a bill of goods, cheated, and they know it."
//
I think the solution for men is to not be bitter. I like the saying, "I don't get mad I get even." If the bill of goods is defective (marriage 2.0) then perhaps we as men should NOT buy it.

Anonymous said...

Would Lawrence of Arabia count as a beta?

T. E. Lawrence was homosexual, so I think he's out of the equation altogether.

Anonymous said...

"his that he's the last choice and last in line in parade of prior male lovers"

He hopes he is the last in line, anyway...

The Anti-Gnostic said...

We are inevitably headed towards single motherhood...A few sexy men will do most of the fathering of kids, and most men will consider women and kids the domain of absent sexy Alpha men.

You can already see this meme: The Time Traveler's Wife, Percy Jackson, Cold Mountain, and it is a sick, nihilistic vision. But we have been there and done that with black America, and only because of trillions in subidies since 1965. That account of money and good will is long overdrawn, and eventually OPEC, China, India and Britain and others will stop paying it. They've got their own problems without subsidizing a dysgenic American underclass.

The female sinecures in HR, marketing, academe and government are all on the chopping block. So other than a few apex females, white women will have to make some hard choices.

The cultural Marxists have the megaphone right now, but they know, if only subconsciously, what's coming.

We will move, kicking, screaming and clawing, but move we will to a more traditional society.

Anonymous said...

The other wildcard in this game is discovery of DNA. This new and useful technological advancement will do more in the long run to sort out who pays and who plays. The long run prospects of Alpha's skipping away from child support payments will become less likely and the odds of a guy paying for a child that is not his biological child will deminish. This will have an equalizing effect for sure. My guess is that it will take a decade or two for the laws to catch up with the technology but the days of men being cuckolded will go the way of the buffalo.

Anonymous said...

One note to my post at 9:44, The demand for a male birth control pill will only increase as the state runs out of money and starts to look for daddy so they can collect revenues for child support. Eventually a safe reliable MBCP will be found upping the ante in this poker match between the sexes. The 2020 commercial for male norplant will be, "the norplant comes out when the pre-nup is signed".

Anonymous said...

Zeta - Hymowitz is writing at the WSJ. Most commenters there, including Hymowitz, are libertarians. Also why on earth are you talking about Palin? All she cares about is herself, her books, reality TV show, money and capitalism in general. Neither of them are conservatives in the traditional sense but fiscal conservatives, neocons or libertarians. You know I don't like these chicks but at least I don't have the strength to lie about their intentions and political positions like you. All you "MRA's" are full of negativity and it's starting to get me tired. Plus misconceptions like the ones you guys throw at to people like Throne and Alter and the ThinkingHousewife has changed my mind. You guys are scum. See ya.

Anonymous said...

"The number of women who are virgins at the start of college is small, and even smaller (minuscule) by the end of it."

Not true. Sluts are very visible and nobody sees or talks about the virgins but they exist (even in small numbers).

Anonymous said...

Lets start from the beginning. This all got started because a woman complained about men going their own way. Notice it was not a man who published a book complaining about women going their own way.
*pause*

If A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, as what feminists like to say, then why are they complaining? They should be indifferent.
oops there's a contradiction.

Perhaps we should adopt the slogan,
A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle....men seem to be doing a pretty good job of living up to this.

Rollory said...

"You guys are scum. See ya.

Which anon are you again?

Seriously, if I could see a coherent argument developing over multiple posts, I might pay more attention.

Although I have never considered myself a MRA, and in fact I think that isn't the default position of most here. The Spearhead, yes, and yes they are pretty negative - but this is a somewhat different crowd.

Rollory said...

"You guys are scum. See ya."

Which anon are you again?

Seriously, if I could see some sort of coherent argument developed over time, I might pay more attention.

Also, I have never considered myself a MRA. That is more The Spearhead's beat - and yes they are rather negative. This crowd isn't negative, more like realist.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...March 2, 2011 11:34 AM
"You guys are scum. See ya."

Since you never gave us your name we have no idea who you are so we can't really miss you.
*waves good bye*

Ping Jockey said...

"Perhaps we should adopt the slogan,
A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle....men seem to be doing a pretty good job of living up to this."

I like the following:
-- "A man needs a wife like a fish needs a bicycle"
-- "Bicycles don't need fish, either"
-- "Jesus wasn't married, and that's good enough for me!" (although I'm not a Christian, I still like it)

The_King said...

Its probably due to testosterone and a lot of cocaine. I mean testosterone and androgens increase aggression, which results in anti-social behavior. Clearly its all about biological competition and anger is a form of emotional motivation.

When do people get mad? When they are in danger or their reproductive value is attacked.

raliv said...

Excellent post, Whiskey. You always eloquently phrase the issue at hand.

Mac said...

"heh.. A lot of women have called me "nice", and not one of them has ever slept with me. The women who do sleep with me or flirt with me call me... um.. other things... but "nice" sure as hell aint one of em.

"Nice" is just a polite word that women use to describe men that they feel no attraction to whatsoever."
Preach it.

Not to sound like a bitter single guy, but if I had a dollar for every woman who called me "nice" or "sweet" but then never dated me, I'd be wealthy.

Being described as "nice" is a one-way ticket to the Just Friends Zone.

Anonymous said...

Mac said...
"Not to sound like a bitter single guy, but if I had a dollar for every woman who called me "nice" or "sweet" but then never dated me, I'd be wealthy."

There's no point in being bitter or even sounding like it. Nobody likes cry babies. I'm a beta-male and I wear the label like a badge of honor. The phrase alpha-male may sound hot and sexy on the surface but anybody with a brain larger than a split pea can realize that ANY society that aspires to such will fail. Look at black society, without question, it is the greatest example of failure on this planet. Yeah that's what happens to a society when all the men aspire to become alpha males. Why would we want to emulate that? Alpha-males only get to live a fun life in their youth. Their ass-hole behavior eventually becomes a huge liability in their later years. Again look at black society.

The qualities that make a Beta-male sexually boring (nice, polite, responsible) are the exact same qualities that can be HUGELY advantageous when it comes to wealth accumulation. The life of a Beta-male can be AMAZINGLY financially rewarding if you play your cards right and don't get raped by divorce court and end up paying ailamony for the next 20 years.

When I die, if God said I'd have to live a 2nd life. What do I choose live as an Alpha or Beta?
I'd pick Beta!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 12:16 PM:

When I die, if God said I'd have to live a 2nd life. What do I choose live as an Alpha or Beta?
I'd pick Beta!


You're obviously not obsessed with penis-in-vagina triumphalism.

Anonymous said...

I have just discovered this blog and plan to visit it quite often.
My own story:
After hitting 40 I started a spiral into a depression that has no apparent end.
For a good portion of my life, I was fairly optimistic that I would meet 'The One' and get married.
On two separate occasions I met whom I thought was 'The One' (let's call them GF1 and GF2).
GF1 was a friend of a friend who was into Alpha Males.
I am not an Alpha Male. I self describe as conciliatory, passive, non-threatening, sensitive. Definitely a Beta.
After some time together she said that she was falling for me but for some reason I was kind of nonplussed - I did not react the way I should have (more on this later).
It went downhill from there. I was always on egg shells; a small part of me kept expecting her to push me aside as I felt she was getting tired of me. I should have had the courage to dump her then and there, but I was convinced I was not going to find anyone else.
GF1 went down the tubes. I moved on, looking for my next opportunity. I went out of my way to go to events, meet people and have fun.
(note: it turned out that she was quite the train wreck after that....I lucked out by her absence from my life).
Then I met GF2. She took a liking to me early on; I did not see it.
It nearly cost me; but I patched it up and before long we were on the verge of becoming a couple.
Then GF2 dropped the bomb. She was moving to another country for her job. I was completely unable to move with her. GF2 ended.
Being in the dumps, I started to see a psychiatrist.
In my sessions, the shrink pointed out (as I described GF1, GF2 and many other details about my life) that my main problem was that I had a deep-seated belief that I do not deserve to be loved, and that put me in the position of predicting failure, not only with regards to relationships.
Now that that is out of the way, I set out to try to find 'The One.'
Let me tell you, I have no longer any need of PREDICTING failure so much as I do LIVING it.
Every time I meet someone, it falls apart for some reason or another. Women simply are repelled practically everything I do, and exhibit completely irrational demands of perfect behavior at all times. Talk about walking on eggshells.
Politically I trend conservative; most of the women in my area would prefer to marry (were it possible to do so) the French Government (for all its European Welfare State Goodness).
Personally I find that trait disgusting; I met a girl at a party and lost all interest when she said that she vacationed in Paris and loved it, and would go back in a second. Call me crazy but that is the way my mind works.
I had a bit of a nervous breakdown recently, insulting a friend (the one who intro'd me to GF1) after ruminating over the notion that I have spent the better part of my life failing to find someone.
Twenty years of abject complete and total failure.
Now, that's probably better than getting married to the wrong person (say, GF1) and then experiencing a bitter divorce; one person I know said her brother went down that path and committed suicide.
All in all, you are completely right. We as white working / middle class males have been sold a bill of goods and been cheated, swindled and duped.
Women in general tend to have highly irrational demands. They want a man who will shower them with unending indulgences, as well as doing anything they want anytime they want with any man they want.
The only way I can describe it is that women generally trend towards wanting the ultimate double standard; total adoration in the form of an unending spigot of money ("if Paris Hilton gets that I want TEN RIGHT NOW!) from a 'nice guy' and the chance to screw the Charlie Sheens of the world at a moments notice.
I'm through. I'll be a goat herder before I get too close w/ another woman.

Peter Krieger said...

I have just discovered this blog and plan to visit it quite often.
My own story:
After hitting 40 I started a spiral into a depression that has no apparent end.
For a good portion of my life, I was fairly optimistic that I would meet 'The One' and get married.
On two separate occasions I met whom I thought was 'The One' (let's call them GF1 and GF2).
GF1 was a friend of a friend who was into Alpha Males.
I am not an Alpha Male. I self describe as conciliatory, passive, non-threatening, sensitive. Definitely a Beta.
After some time together she said that she was falling for me but for some reason I was kind of nonplussed - I did not react the way I should have (more on this later).
It went downhill from there. I was always on egg shells; a small part of me kept expecting her to push me aside as I felt she was getting tired of me. I should have had the courage to dump her then and there, but I was convinced I was not going to find anyone else.
GF1 went down the tubes. I moved on, looking for my next opportunity. I went out of my way to go to events, meet people and have fun.
(note: it turned out that she was quite the train wreck after that....I lucked out by her absence from my life).
Then I met GF2. She took a liking to me early on; I did not see it.
It nearly cost me; but I patched it up and before long we were on the verge of becoming a couple.
Then GF2 dropped the bomb. She was moving to another country for her job. I was completely unable to move with her. GF2 ended.
Being in the dumps, I started to see a psychiatrist.
In my sessions, the shrink pointed out (as I described GF1, GF2 and many other details about my life) that my main problem was that I had a deep-seated belief that I do not deserve to be loved, and that put me in the position of predicting failure, not only with regards to relationships.
Now that that is out of the way, I set out to try to find 'The One.'
Let me tell you, I have no longer any need of PREDICTING failure so much as I do LIVING it.
Every time I meet someone, it falls apart for some reason or another. Women simply are repelled practically everything I do, and exhibit completely irrational demands of perfect behavior at all times. Talk about walking on eggshells.
Politically I trend conservative; most of the women in my area would prefer to marry (were it possible to do so) the French Government (for all its European Welfare State Goodness).
Personally I find that trait disgusting; I met a girl at a party and lost all interest when she said that she vacationed in Paris and loved it, and would go back in a second. Call me crazy but that is the way my mind works.
I had a bit of a nervous breakdown recently, insulting a friend (the one who intro'd me to GF1) after ruminating over the notion that I have spent the better part of my life failing to find someone.
Twenty years of abject complete and total failure.
Now, that's probably better than getting married to the wrong person (say, GF1) and then experiencing a bitter divorce; one person I know said her brother went down that path and committed suicide.
All in all, you are completely right. We as white working / middle class males have been sold a bill of goods and been cheated, swindled and duped.
Women in general tend to have highly irrational demands. They want a man who will shower them with unending indulgences, as well as doing anything they want anytime they want with any man they want.
The only way I can describe it is that women generally trend towards wanting the ultimate double standard; total adoration in the form of an unending spigot of money ("if Paris Hilton gets that I want TEN RIGHT NOW!) from a 'nice guy' and the chance to screw the Charlie Sheens of the world at a moments notice.
I'm through. I'll be a goat herder before I get too close w/ another woman.

Anonymous said...

quote:
"You're obviously not obsessed with penis-in-vagina triumphalism."

That's because I have other things going for me like a financially bright future.

That's how you separate the beta-males from the omega-males. Perhaps most of the complaining on the internet is in reality coming from omega-males masquerading as beta-males.

I do not complain, not because I believe we live in a just society. On the contrary obviously society screws beta-males over. It's because I'm too busy cooking up a plan to financially defend myself and prosper.

Nine-of-Diamonds said...

@Peter Krieger:

I think that another problem may be that you are coopting for yourself womens' notions of romantic love.

Historically, very few American couples would have described themselves as being "in love with" one another, in the trashy romance novel sense. Not sure what you like to read, but try reading historical non-fiction, such as stories about Civil War couples etc. Although men and women back then were capable of sincere affection there simply was not as much gushing over emotional compatibility, sentiment, "feelings", & so on. Marriages throughout much of history were pretty utilitarian - men and especially women could not survive without one another. And yet modern social engineers would have us think that this bonding model, which saw us through world wars and a depression, is "archaic", "misogynist", "repressed".

If you haven't already, try adjusting your methods. Avoid "nightclub game" sites like Roissy, which are mostly useful for hook-ups with "carousel riders". Browse game sites written by Christian MRA's - or at least family men - to improve your "marriage game". Regardless of your faith, these guys (Elusive Wapiti (sp) for instance) know their stuff.

Because you have no family I assume you have some money put aside. Start investing, or a small business - even in this economy, you'd be surprised at how well you can do (I've been).

Try dressing better than you normally do (women are less impressed by physical attractiveness than signs of success & "good taste"). Go to the gym/on hikes/whatever, as much for your own piece of mind as to build a "hunky" body for Future Mrs. Krieger.

To meet the missus, try volunteering, community service, religious events, and maybe even the workplace. I've noticed a subset of women in those circles - physically, 4's, 5's, 6's - who are not stridently feminist and have more realistic expectations about relationships than landing Charlie Sheen. Some of them are even attracted to ME, and I am far from a social magnet. Even when I make no effort to "game" them. I doubt you can do worse than I have. They still are definitely women, and must be "gamed", but they are good enough. Much less likely to cause problems than the "empowered" 8's/9's/10's in pantsuit ghettos like DC and Manhattan.

All the same, get a prenup if/when it's necessary, and let her know you have it.

Forget about being "loved" in the Danielle Steele sense and think of it as a search for a roommate whom you'll have children with. I get the feeling you're trying to "satisfice" here, not act like a male version of Bella Swan. Plan accordingly.

jewelfish said...

A woman with many bad boys (sometimes merely one is enough) in her sexual past is not going to be able to form a deeply lasting relationship with a guy in her thirties.

You have no idea what you are talking about. To me it just looks like you don't like women and haven't had much success with them.

jewelfish said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roadrunner said...

I enjoyed reading these many posts and can feel for the problems Pete had. I was pretty much the strike out king in the girl department. I found one had six children with her. things looked good. Then she got involved with a ultra church that was dominating on all the members. About 2years into that she anounced to me that god told we couldn't have sex the way we used to. It put me in shock I tryed reason with her and she would have none of it. Cont. Roadrunner

Roadrunner said...

I put up with that shit for 2 years and one morning while shaving I asked the guy in the mirror how long are you going to take it. He said it ends today.
Started going to bars and one nite one of those well experienced sluts rubbed her tits on my back when I was playing pool and it was all over. She was 15 years younger and hot. My wife found out and cryed and of course I felt like shit. My wife before that girl was the only woman I ever had. CONT

Roadrunner said...

I tryed to make it up to her and she just kept on trying to dominate everything I did.I moved out twice and came back twice.She just kept beating on verbally and three times or more physically. She at that time weighed as much as I did or tho I was a lot stronger. I finally moved out for good filed for divorce. 5 years down the road I remarried a younger woman. CONT

Roadrunner said...

I helped her raise her youngest 2 kids. That was the hardest job I ever took on wouldn't do it again.
Kids are raised we have several Grand children 3 great grandchildren and another on the way. My kids are still close and
looking back they can understand what happened. If any of you out there in cyber land remember still water runs deep with the devil at the bottom Get PRE_NUP Roadrunner

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@The_King
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Anonymous said...

Great post.! A lot of Betas will fuck most women on theirs 30´s and do not get commited on a LTR. Life is better living single than marrying a slut. As a man you can always pick a younger woman for LTR.